I bid farewell to Tagaern who gave me a concerned look as he looked between Silah and myself. I nodded to him in recognition and he gave me a grimace. He was well aware that there was trouble.
"A good night to you both." He said, turning away and pressing his key into the door and fiddling with the lock awkwardly until it came free.
"You as well, Tagaern." I said as he shut the door behind him.
I tried the key in the lock and it rattled loosely, realizing that Tagaern had done the same thing.
"This doesn't bode well." I said aloud with frustration as I jiggled the key until it finally caught hold of the lock mechanism with a click. "I might have to do a little retooling here."
We retreated into the furnished apartment. Silah was keeping space between us in a sullen silence.
A dozen thoughts sped through my mind, all of the minor things that needed doing. I remembered that the armor I had been wearing was still tucked away in the storage shed behind The Sea Witch and sighed at the thought. My shoulders ached under the weight of my rucksack and I longed to simply drop to the floor and melt away, but this distance between us? I had to resolve it or I would find no rest.
The apartment itself was a long, single room. The simple furnishings were rough, at best. The far wall opposite the entrance had a potbelly stove and windowed doors that led to a balcony overlooking the small harbor of Hlofreden. There was a wide rustic bed, dresser, a stubby table, and a rickety washbasin. I looked at the empty water pitcher to the side of it and grimaced.
Welcome to your own place. I thought.
There was a standing note on the dresser that was written in an elegant hand. I glanced briefly at it, but didn't attempt to discern the curly letters. I had more important things to deal with.
On the stubby table was an oil lamp and a set of writing implements complete with an inkwell, feather, and blotter. Parchments were laid neatly to the side covered in a fine layer of dust.
They'd likely remain that way.
I removed the rucksack and dropped it so that it leaned against the table. The wick of the oil lamp caught the spark readily. I trimmed the flame to fill the room with a soft warming glow.
"So, here we are." I sat down on the bed, steepling my hands, then looking over them at her, "Alone."
She had barely moved into the room before finding a corner. She stood there, like an awkward piece of furniture, unmoving and unbreathing. Her head and eyes had followed me as I had moved around with an expression that was nearly blank. A small crinkle near her eyebrows belied what she was feeling. It that had been there perpetually since we'd left The Sea Witch.
"You said you had more to say, now that we're alone." I prompted, eyes still fixed on her.
It was a few moments before she moved forward to the center of the room. She didn't sit, though. The most human response about her was how she was wringing her hands together, turning them white with her frighteningly strong grip.
"When I say I remember everything, I'm not sure I can express what that may mean to you." She said flatly.
I nodded, curious.
"I have lost years from the bonds I've had, but my life before is known in clear and violent detail." Her eyes clicked over various objects in the room and then snapped back to my eyes. "I see things more clearly, now, but I'm finding that it is more a curse than a blessing.
"I know exactly who I am or, at least, who I was. Most importantly, I know what I am now and the depth of my purpose." She paused, her eyes looking to the floor, "I ... don't want to burden you with the details."
"Why not? What do you think you're protecting me from?" I said, looking on her intently.
"‘I can release you to do what you need to do.'", She leveled a vacant look at me. "Remember when you said that to me? I doubt any of my bonds would have offered something like that. It isn't the nature of those men who had carried me in the past. A part of me wished I had known well enough to urge you to do so. To let me go."
Her words hurt. My expression, doubtless, reflected that pain.
"I've been inside of you. I know all there is to know about you, Hakaar. You have no secrets from me." Her eyes seemed distant as she spoke, "I treated you as a puppet, running up The Bulwark and ready to sacrifice you. In one way, your death would be release from these memories. A release..."
I twitched at the thought, my muscles were vibrating, but I held my resolve. She swayed on her feet as if faint, then stood firm as she continued.
"I have been selfish. I want to continue to be selfish, to pretend to be this human form, and to revel in this mortality, but I know I can't." Emotion seeped into her voice and her eyes glossed, "I've known for some time that I may be the cause of your death just as I have been for so many others. And, while I followed through with those actions, I realized that I was not prepared to be the active agent of your demise."
She seemed to come back to herself, stooping under an unseen burden. She moved to the edge of the stubby wooden table to rest her usually tireless frame. Her face was creased with pain as she took a tenuous breath.
"It was clear when we approached the tree. When I heard See's voice." Her voice dropped as she said it. "He reminded me of what I really am: An instrument of death, both to those I protect and those I protect against."
"Wait, who is See? I'm not sure I understand." I put my hand to me forehead, confused, attempting to rub away a headache that was already well on its way.
"See is, or was, a giant who inhabited the Ether Tree to learn its secrets. Over time, he and the tree became one. You felt him when you entered, you felt him draw breath. That was not the tree. He was the one who warned me of the interloper. The agent of the Formless who was speeding through the Ethereal to stop us."
I gulped, now I understood where that information had come from.
"His name is where your language gets the word for See and Seer. He sees all, in a way that even the gods cannot from within their thrones, but he's forever bound to the Ether Trees." She paused to wet her lips, her expression still pained, "He also reminded me of my duty—to hold the line between this plane and The Veil. Chiding me because I had nearly failed to fulfill my task. The very reason I was created.
"And he was right." She looked at me, a single tear streaked her cheek, "His words drove me on to do what I did to you. I had failed to prepare you. I was wasting time living a life I was never meant to have and I nearly sacrificed you to fulfill that duty."
A sigh shuddered from her. She was gripping the edges of her table until it began to squeal and crack under her grasp. She looked down at the floor. Wet droplets began to speckle the floor, darkening the wood.
"I was never meant to fall in love." She said just barely above a whisper.
Her words hit me like a blow to the stomach. I tried to catch my breath as she looked up. Her eyes locked with mine, pleading.
"I was forced to drive you to what could have been your death. I don't want to forget again. I can't lose this." She cast her eyes down toward the floor again and she whispered, "I can't lose you."
I was unable to speak. My breath was caught in my throat and wouldn't let go. Moments passed in silence.
"What happened in the Bulwark, it needed to happen that way." I stood and moved toward her and embraced her where she sat, encircling her shoulders with my arms. "Your duty was my duty."
"But that isn't right. You should not have to accept my burden. I've known this. You've known this. I've seen these thoughts of yours about certain doom. And now that my own history has become more clear, it pains me to endanger someone I love."
"What do you mean your own history?" I whispered the question to her.
"Not now." She shook her head against my chest. "I'm not ready."
She balled up in my arms, retreating from my touch.
"This isn't good for you. I am not good for you. You know that." She shook with her words, "I can't bear to lose you, to lose these memories you've given to me. I can't bear the thought that I may be the instrument of your destruction."
She pulled away, standing from the table and wiping her face as she looked up at me.
"I'm sorry. I'll be fine. I just need some time." She bowed her head slightly as she spoke, averting her eyes.
"I can't accept that." I said, stepping back from her. "And you know this."
"I will never stop being a tool. And, now, I am doing this to you. I am making you a tool." She rubbed her bristling shoulders, "I just feel dirty. I am stealing your future."
I looked at her sternly.
"What did you think I would have felt? Losing my friends one by one because I wasn't there to protect them? I would never have lived down that guilt. I would have thrown myself at the giant and died along with them."
She looked up to my eyes, her own still moist. I waited for her to speak, but she remained silent.
"Do you believe me?" I said pointedly.
She nodded slowly.
"I need you and you need me." I continued, "And while I nearly died, you also saved me. You even fought for me."
I smiled down at her.
"That was pretty amazing, by the way." I moved forward and embraced her again and this time she relented, softening with the advance.
"Right now, we're whole. We have survived the past and the future is unknown, but we have the present. Let's enjoy us for as long as we possibly can."
"There is so much more that you could have." Her voice echoed in my head timidly.
"Shh. Yes, perhaps. But I choose us. I choose you." I said, then shrugged, "Honestly, anything else seems incredibly boring. I think I like saving the world with you."
I could feel her smile. An overwhelming warmth filled me as she returned the embrace. I could feel her immense presence press in on me with boundless adoration. I revelled in her warmth.
In the darkness, she emerged, returning as her resplendent glowing self that she'd shown me while in The Sea Witch. She moved barefoot in flowing milky white robes that were layered in silks. The near transparent layers produced reflected rainbows from the glow that lit her skin. Her depthless glowing eyes gazed on me with a warm softness and I quaked as I felt the full weight of her love course through me. She then closed her eyes and inclined her chin slightly.
Instantly, an immaculate stone floor took shape, spreading out under my feet in a circular pattern. Stone blocks of opaque white crystalline stood on each other while ornate standing columns formed in regular intervals, joining the stone walls that stood nearly waist high. The heavens beyond were much more than the recent twinkling of stars but a brilliant all-encompassing cloudless azure sky with a bright sun overhead.
In one direction, the white stone path moved through rolling grasslands that were dotted with bright flowers. Old growth trees ringed the stone structure at a slight distance. Opposite the rolling hills, another stone path meandered from the gap in the circular walls and faded quickly into a peaceful sandy beach with a rumble of endless rolling waves lapping at the sands.
The sudden onset of the imagery startled me and I took a deep breath as my mind filled with the new sensations. The sights, sounds, and even the smell of the ocean rolled over me.
A wooden roof slowly descended from the sky and rested gently on the standing stone pillars, the wood and stone emitted a tentative aching creak as it settled into place overhead. A long chair appeared, now making sense with the ornate surroundings.
She slowly opened her eyes and looked on me.
"This is some of what my home beyond the Veil had to offer." Her voice shimmered around me as he mouth moved. "This is ours, though. Alone."
How did you do all of this? Is this part of the unlocking of your memories? I thought in wonder.
"Yes, in part. I don't quite know how I do this, but your mind is the canvas and we are much more connected now." She smiled, revealing her perfect, luminescent teeth.
She looked at me with a little trepidation, taking a cautious breath.
"I need you to know who I am. Or, rather, who I was. Come with me."
She held out her hand. I took it readily and she led me down the flagstones where the path disappeared under the sands.
She paused, looking out over the waves, her glowing presence pushing back against the sun that stood high overhead. Streaks from single tears rolled from her eyes as she turned toward me. Looking anxious, she took a step back, eyes still locked with mine.
I looked on in fascination as horns emerged from her head at the top of her brow, standing at first and then in waves close to the top of her head. Her short brown hair remained, groomed to flow with their form. I felt heartsick as I remembered how she winced as I struck the horns from the female giant.
Her face changed only slightly, her features and structure becoming slightly wider, more solid, while maintaining their softness. She grew taller. Her bare feet pressed deep into the sand as she towered over me, standing just beyond the top of my reach.
She balled up her hand and held it to her chest, perhaps a salute or similar gesture, while she looked down on me.
"My name was Breena Vaxsparen. I am the first born daughter of King Ittius of the Avaren Plains." Her voice boomed, recognizable, but noticeably deeper. Her flowing raiment spun softly as the wind picked up.
That voice. I was suddenly reminded of her intimidating towering form from when we first met.
"Yes, some part of me remembered. It was the form I was most comfortable with. It is a form I control. Something not at the whim of those I bond with." She said, her voice vibrating in my chest.
I was bewildered. I looked on this woman I had grown to love, again, yet for the first time. The flood of feelings and memories came back from the past months and I now recognized her as she stood before me. Sudden feelings of inadequacy and intimidation came forward as I marveled at her.
She gave a gracious, pearlescent smile.
"Oh, Hakaar." She said, shaking her head, whatever trepidation she had felt had clearly subsided.
She moved toward me, quickly returning to eye level with me, but her changed features and horns remained. The light faded from her eyes and skin and she appeared as flesh and blood, her eyes had changed from the honey-brown to a flashing golden gaze. My heart skipped a beat as she moved in close, eyes locked with mine, mirth still on her lips. I was lost in stunned silence.
"Speechless, I see." She giggled, putting her finger under my chin, gently closing my mouth, then, leaning in, she put her lips to mine.
(Get to know Akeron.)
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